Tuesday, July 26, 2016

feminism. humblebrag: the movement

OOP. i forgot i had a blog. i figured this will come in handy for those topics that just aren't good enough or "too personal" for a shoe0ffhead/shoe0nhead video. besides, i fucken love writing. i forget how much i love writing until i start writing again.

and yes before you buttcry, i'm using my all lowercase schtick. i've been doing this since the AOL days. i like it. i turn off the auto-caps on my phone. too edgy for this world.

before you read on this is a quick disclaimer: the begining of this is more personal than things you would see on my channel. this isn't seeking sympathy or anything like that, everyone has problems, it's just some history and insight as to why this particular article and attitude pisses me the fuck off so much.

humblebrag: the movement


trichotillomania is a pretty rare disorder. it's an obsessive compulsive habit to pull hair out of your head (or body) from the root. it's a bit like a stronger nail biting habit put there by our ancestors need to groom themselves (pretty interesting).
it's been known to affect mostly women and starts at the ages 9-13 (puberty) and is triggered by intense depression or stress.
i've had trich since i was 12 years old. i didn't tell my parents i was the one who was making my hair "fall out"and causing all those bald spots, i was too embarrassed to say it was myself doing it. because what the fuck? what a crazy and random thing to do to yourself. i was embarrassed and confused. i was sent to all different doctors and even had a biopsy done on my head (why the fuck wouldn't i just tell them it's me? i want to strangle 12 year old june). eventually my parents caught on when my mom caught me pulling out strands of my hair and they learned what trich was.

by golly was that the cherry on top of being already bullied relentlessly in school. for the next 3 years i wore bandanas and headbands to my classes, would have them yanked off of me, had people start rumors i had lice that ate my hair and i had cancer (WHY THE FUCK ARE KIDS SO EVIL WHO THE FUCK WOULD  MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE WITH CANCER THIS MAKES ME LAUGH SO HARD NOW FUCK)
i was incredibly envious of girls who had hair. who could style it. curl it. color it. i wanted bright purple hair so fucking badly. i wanted to streak it and wear it in braids. i wanted to look awesome and have fun and feel like a girl but i couldn't because my stupid idiot self had a weirdass disorder. some days were worse than others, i'd lock myself in the school bathroom and just rip chunks of hair out refusing to go to class. it was a shitty cycle. the more depressed and stressed i got the more hair i pulled out. the more hair i pulled out the more depressed and stressed i got. (i'm going to save my full school experience story for another time because it's long and also quite interesting and i feel lots of people can sort of relate)
this followed me all through my life and fucked up lots of things. it morphed me into a complete hermit shut in which led me to having no friends, which led me to me to taking solace in the internet, which led me to right now typing at my computer next to my hot boyfriend who is playing doom and being hot and angry. "come get some bitch"

i'm sitting on a towel.

years ago i would have never ever fucking told anybody about my trich. if they asked what was wrong with my hair i would say i burned some off by accident. if they asked if i was wearing a wig i'd absolutely deny it. today i just flat out tell them i wear wigs and i have a disorder. people always think it's cool and go "wow that must be nice to just change your style every day!", and it's true it is, (fucking expensive as fuck like $700-$20000 a wig expensive but whatever i guess it's better than being bored with one style?) people are sweet. i've grown to not care and embrace it. i feel comfortable telling the internet this now. years ago i couldn't fucking imagine telling thousands of strangers something like this but it feels good. Dr. Feels Goodman.

women and men are constantly complimenting my hair and telling me how beautiful and perfect it is. girls always ask where i get it cut or what products i use. it's not awkward to tell them i wear a wig but they're always disappointed. the compliments are so sweet. yeah it's not my real hair, but after years of feeling like fucking golem it makes me want to cry every time.

which leads me to the meat of this rant.

this. fucking. article.

(can we just take a moment to appreciate the ad underneath the title from my google search history.
how deliciously ironic and depressing)



feminism has literally become humblebrag: the movement.

for those of you who are unaware of what a humblebrag is. here are some examples.

"i don't know what to do with all these phone numbers these chicks gave to me it's annoying carrying them around in my pocket i need room for all my money :("

a humblebrag is obvious bragging but trying to come off as humble/pissed about the positive thing happening to you. another good example is all the 3/10's crying about catcalling and compliments. every fucking woman who isn't butt ugly gets hit on. fuck off it's not an epidemic it's called HUMANS ATTEMPTING TO MATE. p.s i'm not justifying actual catcalling that shit is cringe as fuck.

i rarely if ever leave my fucking house and 60% of the times i do i get a guy talking to me and i'm like a fucking 5 on a good day. some people are talkative and like to meet new people. fuck that noise. *shoves entire baybel cheese wheel into fat retarded mouth* tell them you have a boyfriend or aren't interested, don't be a dick. don't come running home to tumblr or youtube crying about how men hitting on you is rape culture.

yes this blog post became ranting about feminism. we went 0 to 100 real fast. emo to shitpost real fast.

lets get back to this diarrhea in text form here.

in this feminist shitfest some idiot humblebrags that she's tired of people complimenting her "amazing" hair.


this is the best picture of her on the internet


Yes, my hair is brilliant. It’s vibrant, it’s fun, it’s candy-colored deliciousness. To say I stand out in a crowd is an understatement.

yes my skin is perfect. it's soft. it's flawless. there's not a zit or ance scar to be found. it's been flawless my entire life. women need to stop complimenting my skin.

sorry. i wanted to jump in on the humble brag.

anyway GOOD4YOU. you're proud of your awesome hair. i think it's awesome too. i've always loved hair dyed crazy colors. i'm kind of pissed it's become a "social justice" stereotype when originally it was the punks and goths who rocked it.

Because my hair is so distinct, people comment on it almost every time I leave the house. Usually, the people stopping me to tell me that they like my hair are men, like you. And, truth be told, I just don’t give a fuck what you think of my hair.

OH JESUS CHRIST THATS TOO BAD. they're being nice KIND human beings. THEY LIKE YOUR HAIR. THEY LIKE THE COLOR. maybe they're so used to seeing basic bitches with blonde, brown, black hair you stand out and they like it. maybe they like punk chicks. maybe they appreciate the look you have created. for fuck's sake it's a compliment.

ABSOLUTE HUMBLEBRAG.

all these men hit on me every time i leave the house i hate it hurrdurr
welcome to having a vagina.
not to say chicks with dicks don't get hit on...
i mean
look at this.
it's like staring into the sun.

queen















unsolicited comments about my appearance feel intrusive and threatening.

"unsolicited comments"
what the fuck is the opposite of that then?
>solicited comments

so when you're not outwardly fishing for them you don't accept compliments?

YES HELLO PEOPLE OF THE WORLD I AM READY FOR YOUR COMPLIMENTS SHOWER ME WITH PRAISE NOW IS THE TIME ANY OTHER TIME AND IT WILL BE CONSIDERED INTRUSIVE AND THREATENING THERE IS A VERY SMALL WINDOW OF TIME HERE UHP ITS OVER GO AWAY

what the actual fuck am i reading right now this is glorious.

I know that my hair is really bright and noticeable, but I really wish you would stop using it as an opening to try to get my attention. And honestly, you’re not the first guy to try that line on me today. It’s tired, bro, and I’m exhausted. I mean, CAN I LIVE?

1. people like to have a topic to talk about if they want to get to know somebody. either that or they're going to use a shitty pick-up line. choose your "poison". i started initial conversation with my boyfriend when i bought his fucking merch shirt. i guarantee that's more retarded than some dude telling you your hair is neat.

2. you're not that fucking hot calm yourself.

guys, i don't think i can handle this cringe. do you think this should be a video? i thought the hair part was too personal but shit this might actually be a good video. you know me, i love to share lolcows with the world. and this is like a lolherd. tell me if i should. i'm not sure.


When I’m not emphatically grateful that you complimented my hair when I never asked you to, it doesn’t mean I’m a bitch. It just means that I don’t appreciate comments from dudes about what I look like. Especially random dudes on the street that I don’t know. Please consider what it feels like for me. I’m just trying to go about my day, and men that I don’t know keep interrupting me to tell me that I’m pretty or my hair is awesome. 

>when i never asked you to
YOU ASK PEOPLE TO COMPLIMENT YOU? HAHAHAHAH NIGGA.....

>it doesn't mean i'm a bitch
no it doesn't but you're pretty socially fucking retarded. and that's coming from a socially fucking retarded retard herself.

 >i don't appreciate comments from dudes
ya keep emphasizing "dudes" and "men" so im guessing if it was a woman it's okay? you're just scared of the peen?

>please consider what it feels like for me
DO YOU THINK THESE INDIVIDUALS KNOW THAT OTHER INDIVIDUALS HAVE ALSO COMPLIMENTED YOU. WEAR A SHIRT THAT SAYS "NO THANK YOU SOMEBODY ELSE ALREADY SAID MY HAIR WAS COOL TODAY SO PLEASE DO NOT"

>men i don't know keep interuptting me to tell me my hair is awesome
what the fuck is this i'm screaming.

 I’m immediately on guard, because I’m not sure what response you’re going to be looking for, and if I give the wrong one, sometimes you get angry, and then I feel frightened. Therefore, I dread any interactions with men on the street because I don’t know how they’re going to end.
sounds like paranoia, fam. this is actually getting kind of sad.
yeah some people are assholes, i've dealt with those. one time a guy refused to leave unless i gave him a kiss, i gave him a hug so he'd fuck off. one told me to spin around so he could see my whole body. i told one i had a boyfriend like i always do but his answer was "he's not here :^)".

people can be really creepy and retarded when it comes to personal boundaries. but this is not the majority. so don't pretend it is.

And I know it might seem odd, but I actually don’t dye my hair because I “want attention” or because I care what anyone thinks about it. This may be hard to believe, but I actually dye my hair these bright colors for myself. 
yeah i agree. colored hair is awesome. i love my eyeliner style. i've been doing it since i was 14. it gets lots of compliments online and offline by women and men alike. i dont put it on because of that- i put it on because it exaggerates my big almond eyes and makes me feel cute. (also because i'm so fucking used to it) i get you there.

Not all women’s behaviors are done with the end goal of appealing to men (SHOCKING, I KNOW).
tell that to the fucking hundreds of feminists who say anti-feminist women just have different opinions for male attention

 i agree though.

You assume that I’m single, despite the ring on my finger that indicates that I’m not.

so just tell them you're fucking not. it takes two seconds. people are not mind readers. they're not looking at your fingers, retard. they're looking at that SWEET ASS HAIR OF YOURS AYYY GURL SHAKE THAT HAIR MMFF

You also assume that I’m straight, and interested in being hit on by a dude. 

that's because a very large portion of people are straight and there's a huge chance you are straight. is.. is this article for real.

And, of course, you assume that you’re entitled to my attention or conversation or gratitude.

THIS IS THE BITCHEIST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD
I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY

"you think you're entitled to my conversation or respect? PSSSSH"

like who the fuck even are you hahaha who do you think you are ahahaha the queen of england hahahaha log off

And I hate to be the one to burst the bubble of male entitlement you’ve been blissfully shrouded in, but men are not entitled to anything from me.

since we're both bitches here, i highly doubt most men want anything to do with you and this is a giant humblebrag pretending you're some high class piece of ass.

"can i speak to a manager"


honey, no. sit down.
you look like a trashy "COOL MOM".
without your neon pink hair you would blend in with the walls at any Sears.

Men, please do me a favor. The next time you want to tell me, or some other girl, how much you like our hair, please don’t.  This also applies to telling us that you like our dress, our tattoos, our necklace, or any other thing on or about our body.

HAHAHAH WHO IS THIS "OUR", "US" "WE". i went half of my life, a very important half of my life, with no fucking hair ugly as fuck buck toothed faggot. back then i would KILL for somebody to say something nice to me like that. and your'e going to sit here and beg people not to give you kind passing compliments? dude.

but let's get to your real message here, the real reason you are writing this.
"men, don't compliment us women"
you want men to stop complimenting other women.
your goal is so transparent here.
why the fuck do you want men to stop complimenting other women? because you rarely get compliments yourself? is that why you blew up mundane shit that happens to every woman ever into some absolute shitfest? "IM SO SICK OF PEOPLE SAYING NICE THINGS ABOUT ME ALLLLL THE TIME~*~*~* DON'T YOU AGREE FELLOW WOMEN. MEN SHOULD STOP COMPLIMENTING WOMEN."

i don't know if this is a classic case of ((never reproduce)) or basic jealous hag that wants to sway the world to stop reminding her she's walmart tier.

"it sounds like she just doesnt want to hear her friends get complimented around her anymore. i bet you she's the ugliest fucking one in her social group."
-armouredskeptic, 2016


so here's my message:
people, don't stop complimenting people. compliments brighten people's days, even LIVES. who knows how shit that persons day or life is. who knows if they're going to go home and put a gun in their mouth that night. jesus christ. DO NOT STOP BEING NICE. say something nice to someone. see how they smile. it feels good to make others feel good.

and to you, miss pink hair blogger, you may be a liar, narcissist, walmart mom.. but guess what?

your hair is neat
be happy you have it